Husband / Wife Relationship

Abu Hurayrah (RdA) said, “It was asked to Messenger of Allah (PBUH); which of

the woman is best? He said “The one who makes (her husband) happy when he

looks at her, obeys him when he tells her to do something, and does not disobey

him with regard to herself or her wealth in a way he dislikes.” Al-Nasaai. The

hadith proves the importance of a husband in the life of a wife. However, Islam

also tells us the importance and rights of the wife in the life of a husband.

Marriage is not just a physical or emotional necessity, but, in fact, a sign

from Creator towards a broader objective. It is a relationship of mutual rights and

obligations based on divine guidance; a legal contract between a man and a

woman. Islam, unlike other religions is a strong advocate of marriage and there is

no place for celibacy like the Roman Catholic priests & nuns. The Prophet (PBUH)

said, “There is no celibacy in Islam.” He said, “Marriage is my tradition;

whosoever keeps away there from is not from amongst me.” Prophet (PBUH) also

told Umar (RdA) “Shall I tell you the best a man can treasure? It is a good wife.”

Abu-Dawood.

Marriage is a social necessity because it is through marriage family is established

and family is the fundamental unit of our society. It is the only legitimate or Halal

way to satisfy the physical and emotional necessity between a man and a woman

and it shields one from sins. It is a solemn covenant (agreement) and one should be

mature enough to understand the demands of marriage so that the union can be a

lasting one. The romantic-notion only, that young people often have, has proven in

most cases unrealistic & harmful to those involved. We need to look at the

alarming divorce rate in the West to understand this point; even though the couple

knows each other from years, are intimate and live together in live-in-relationship.

It is because romance dies out very quickly when we have to deal in the real world.

The unrealistic expectations that young people have is what often contributes to the

failure of their relationship. This is because people are blinded by the physical

attraction and thus do not choose the compatible partners. Families are destroyed

because of these reasons. The live-in-relations never give a family. Most teen-agers

in western countries gratify their sexual pleasure without the bond of marriage.

Islam ordered certain boundaries to both husband and wife which make families

stable. There is no such boundary in new world order that is why families get

destroyed. According to the slogan of equality of men and women, neither men

perform their duties towards their wives properly, nor do wives play their role.

When humans disobey the law of Creator, the damages are due.

Marriage requires a lot of maturity; couples need to be able to handle

responsibilities and trails that all marriages go through. If one partner avoids duties

and often passes it to the other, the marriage will eventually go in trouble. It needs

mutual effort and cooperation in all the issues of life. Man must respect his spouse,

pay attention to her needs and should love her; woman should respect him and pay

attention to his needs. Allah ordered the believers “consort with women in

kindness.”(AL-Quran 4:19). A man must exercise patience & forgiveness in the

case of disagreement or dispute and should not rush to divorce on petty issues.

Prophet (PBUH) said, “Of permitted matters the most hateful before Allah is

divorce.”

Allah says “Men are the protector of women, because Allah has made one of them

to excel to other and because they spend (to support them) from their means.” (Al-

Nisa). A man is Qawwam (protector & maintainer) of the woman by commanding,

directing & taking care of her, just as guardians take care of their charges, by virtue

of the physical and mental faculties that Allah has given only to men and the

financial obligations that he has enjoined upon them. A man should support his

spouse in every critical situation; he should always remember that his spouse has

left all her near and dear ones for him. She should not be treated as ‘maid without

salary’.

Today, the main issue in our families is that after marriage relationships destroy on

petty issues. Quarrels begin to start between in-laws and a man feels helpless to

control the situation. Here it needs a balance; the family members need to be

respected and at the same time the one in the guardianship of man (i.e. wife) needs

to be respected as well with full support whenever and wherever needed. Allah

ordered “to be kind to your parents” but at the same time you need to support one

who is under your guardianship – the wife.

Woman has a great purpose; she has her children to nourish and educate them so

that they become good Muslims and accordingly good human beings. This is her

primary responsibility. A healthy environment in a family needs the efforts of the

both husband and wife. A wife may be a new, but surely a respectable member of

the family. Entire family needs to respect her and issues if any need to be resolved

on logic and understanding.